if you;re all i needed

1002;

2012-02-09T08:28:00.001-08:00

You can hardly describe this feeling you always have on your birthday. This day can be very normal simple busy filled enjoyable or whatever, but you'll just feel special whatever whoever Gona makes it good or bad seriously. I haven't had a lousy birthday yet though, I'm kinda lucky in a way that I've a group of girlfriends which I supposed will never forget, a childhood buddy who will never fail to send me birthday cards, a BFF who always try to plan something, a boyfriend try to do something too, big small, he'll try. .. My family doesn't really have the habit of celebrating like for me or what but I really dont mind cos the love they shower are everyday, they don't just give extra love only on birthdays. So this birthday, I have a new special frien with me.. And her name is #xiuyu aka ding.

I cant handle I.

2012-02-07T08:14:00.001-08:00

Why is it so bloody hard to at least maintain life's momentum? Is not that I have so much concerns unhappiness and such on life and humanity but because it's just me. I don't know how to handle me now. I have not been handling me infact. I let it have it's way but just sometimes it doesn't seems to
Go in the right track. I can't say I have not been happy but I can't also say I am happy. Fact is because I am
Not genuine happy. I do smile I laugh but I know very much all these are so much on the surface only. I do miss the kinda natural happy thing I used to produce but why do it seems so vague now where had it really gone to? I have been constantly worried, on a daily basis. I can't stop myself from being afraid worried and simply just live as it is today only. I try very hard to continuously remind myself. Sometimes i succeed, sometimes I don't . I know very well the roller coaster tracks my emotions have been running, but it just seems that I can't take over the control of my damn life. It's really in a mess. Theres so much things I wanna do, theres so many books I wanna read, research I wanna do, time I wanna spent with my family & myself.i am not ranting, not. I'm just wondering, why hasn't life be really fair for my family and I. Why?

2012-01-24T02:29:00.001-08:00

I can't put what's haunting me aside. Not because I do not want to but simply because I do not know how to.. When I tried pitting it behind me, it came again, behind and it came again. Just what the hell? I wanto be happy and free of all such problems can, why is it so hard.. So hard to be really happy. Why has happiness became a word with no in depth meaning?

呼吸的痛

2012-01-19T07:56:00.001-08:00

It sucks to miss something that is gone eternity you can only feel helpless and you only have yourself to blame for the fact that nothing can ever be done to bring you back to life

2011-12-29T05:05:00.000-08:00

Unhappy

I've been feeling perpetually unhappy for _______ as long as I can remember. Joke, I could tell my sibling to "take 1 step at a time, dont go and think about those which have not happened yet." Yet, most of the time, i am seen not applying it. So you tell me, I am not the role model myself, how did I ever, how could I even ever, try to talk him round. What happened to my life, a question which I've been consistently asking my own damn bloody self. More often than not, I am not seen with a proper answer. If this has never befall upon her, everything would be okay. I'll be fine. My life won't change. I wont feel fucked, I'll be happy. I'll live happily.

Trying very hard to pretend and i know i succeed. I always do, but right in which we dont even have to go too deep, its tearing. Every single bloody day, it hurts.

Life sucks, that's the word for it.

Merry Christmas?

2011-12-25T06:33:00.001-08:00

nothingness ;

2011-12-17T05:54:00.001-08:00

That's what ive been constantly feeling. I've never felt such nothingness listless for all I can remember but why had this year been such a mess. A mess where it's so hard to fixed things up. The kinda lousiness you constantly feeling. You know how helpless sometimes I am.. I don't know what to do to cheer myself instantly. Sigh, it sucked all sucked so freaking much

2011-11-28T04:41:00.001-08:00

#1 女:謝謝你喜歡我。
男:我也喜歡當年喜歡著妳的我。

#2 原本我以為我是個超有自信的人，在喜歡的女孩面前，我只是一個膽小鬼。

#3 我很喜歡妳，非常喜歡妳，總有一天我一定會追到妳。

#4 成長，最殘酷的部份就是，女孩子永遠比同年齡的男孩子成熟。

#5 人生本來就有很多事是徒勞無功的啊。

#6 被你喜歡過，就感覺別人沒那麼喜歡了。

#7 女孩的成熟，沒有一個男孩招架得住

#8 戀愛最美好的，就是曖昧的時候。

#9 或許，在另一個平行時空裡，我們是在一起的。

#10 我瞧不起的不是成績不好的人，我瞧不起的是明明自己不用功念書，卻只會瞧不起用功念書的人。

#11 我敢跟妳賭，十年後，我連log是什麼都不知道，照樣活得很好。

#12 這種尖酸的題目就算解得出來，對人生還是一點意義都沒有啦。

#13 如果你真的很喜歡一個女孩的話，當新郎不是妳的話，那麼你永遠無法祝福她。結果：不，當你真的很喜歡一個女孩的話，那麼無論新郎是誰，你都會真心祝福她。

#14 每一個男生都想在自己心上人面前，展現自己最強的一面。但是這個方式，並不管用。

#15 不像考卷，所有複雜困難的問題，都能得到一個解答。真實人生裡，有些事永遠也沒有答案。

#16 我想成為一個很厲害的人，讓這個世界因為有了我而有一點點的改變而我的世界，不過就是妳的心。

#17 下一次浪來，會帶走女孩留在沙灘上的美好足跡，但我們還在。刻在我們心中女孩的模樣，也會還在。

You Are The Apple Of My Eye ♥

Distraction

2011-11-11T07:26:00.001-08:00

Easily distracted ... I was reading in enthu when all of a sudden , I recalled what was called "the truth" i am unable to shake it off my mind & it literally drained my enthusiasm right down to almost zero. What the hell is going on... You know I always convey to people that for whatever It is , it is All in the brain / mind .. We are in so in depth control of it but why am I not able to convince myself ? This must be the greatest joke of all .. Sigh , why do I have so less tolerance when it all comes to the mind, why ? Why can't I control what I wanna think what I don't ? Isn't it really so Freakg hard to just ask myself not to think.. Live today as it is and right , just live and stop creating images .. Haix ..

Heart Matters

2011-11-09T07:08:00.001-08:00

I can't control emotions when it all comes to the heart . Though known that it's main function is to "pump the blood" but many times i realized, that is not solely the case. I don't know why can I get so worked up worried bout people in my life . Is a feeling you can't control you wish it could ease sometime but it just can't . . I didn't wanna react too much felt a little overboard that's because it hurt me too .. Itd made my life busy worrying imagining , getting frightened , afraid . I got so carried away some time that I forgot how should I go about living my life

2011-11-07T04:29:00.000-08:00

I have been questioning myself of my life lately. How have I really been living it or rather, am I even living up to it. I remember myself as someone who is (was) lively. Can't deny that I miss that self pretty much on a constant basis. I always love life. Even how nasty a day could be I'll deal with it... Not untill these happened. I lost touched of life. I lived in a fearful day to day beat. I am very afraid. Afraid to lose it, afraid to face it & very afraid to deal with it. Till then we have come in terms with it and is now dealing it. Nevertheless the process of dealing it require so much courage. I'm seen frequently at home that's because I do not want to leave home too far. Afraid that if I do things will not fall in place too neat. I lived my day being worried scared followed by frightening nightmares. So Much of wanting a companion to take away my pain, even if it's for awhile I welcome it, however, I am lazy to reach. Lazy to reach for help. I can't find the best candidate or maybe I am not willing to stay open to my problems. Maybe I chose to bury myself with all the anixety. Notwithstanding it, I want to smile and live so freaking bad.

2011-10-26T05:48:00.000-07:00

Somewhere we always knew no matter how ugly certain quarrels may seems to be, no matter how nasty we call each other names, we will always still be unwilling to let go. Even if we did "let go" most of the time we made up within a very short period. You tell me, is this called True Love or what

2011-10-16T03:57:00.000-07:00

Unknowingly or what, Apple realized she always does things alone;

2011-10-12T20:18:00.000-07:00

Sometimes when you don't want to admit life's hard but it is

2011-10-03T05:58:00.000-07:00

Faith is trust, hope and belief

2011-09-04T04:10:00.000-07:00

I was trying my luck to see if I can post a picture through my iPhone on to my blog but yeah it failed miserbly. I miss my laptop I wish it could work, pfffffft.. Tell me when's the next time I can ever lay my fingers probably on a new laptop... Hmph.. Lifes pretty the same lately just that it'd been busy for woRk as I've been relocated at Pasir panjang.. I do go back to changi south still though just that maybe it'll be less frequent.. Hmm.. I would like to grow in this company so yeah I probably really have to work hard:-) I want to study badly I wish I source for a school pretty soon with money not being a problem (I wished) but yeah money is still and always the concern.. :-( jerrome and I.. We are normal.. up down up down.. Sb sian.. Not
like I can control too-( grats to the brother who has successfully obtained a silver for his ippt.. Pretty well done.. Extra two months for him if not he would have enlisted just maybe tml.. *phewZ~! That's all, stay safe all, xoxo.

2011-08-19T09:05:00.000-07:00

I cant get any less of these, can you?

2011-08-19T08:44:00.000-07:00

Human, mother, nature, we humans, people reacts to colors, As much as I loved black, I cant deny I cant get any "brighter" with these pretty little things, If looking at these could cheer you, I, please do.

2011-08-19T07:10:00.000-07:00

就是寂寞孤单一个人的时候特别。。就会想起你。因为只有你能把我的寂寞带走。可是为什么寂寞的感觉那么讨厌。

2011-08-14T02:34:00.000-07:00

Batam , Indonesia `. Just the 7 of us for Yanhan's twentyfirst ~ <3 * xD

2011-07-31T06:10:00.000-07:00

impromptu met up with my childhoods

*appreciate the efforts of janeong's. we hardly ever meet though both of us know we are the childhood babies. well, tight schedules, laziness, whatever. but we made it through last week. *likes. We spent hours over Starbucks and just simply catch up. Everything was awesome. Wish to have more of these Starbucks thingy, couple of beer thingy, that'll be fun I guess, catching up our lives over it could keep us busy. :) and everything seems so familiar though we hvnt meet for years.......

loveyall:D

2011-07-17T06:14:00.000-07:00

Lazy drowsy Sunday

You know it'd never been this bad. Not even when i hanged out the entire night, club, drink and just hang over. Even undergoing hang overs, it'd never been this bad, what. tell me what the shit is that? Thanks to the smaller than a 5Cent coin can? Apparently Jerrome also took the flu medicine he was abit drowsy and abit tired but the coffee cured him but it seems NOT happening on me, its been the 2nd cup of coffee can. Suck. I literally spent my Sunday sleeping and whats NOT, I missed out doing what I wana do like clean the room, read the Sunday Times. and whatever. _|_ .

2011-07-05T06:54:00.000-07:00

Love Tampinesians

2011-07-03T02:33:00.000-07:00

Beginning to live, again.

Day trip to Malaysia with Jerrome, his mom and aunty group of union members.

--

Lazy blog in details.

I love you mr. jerrome. xoxo

2011-06-24T16:37:00.000-07:00

I got very frighten. I am afraid to live life. I am afraid to know what is going to happen. I am, really is. It was not a thing which I used to carry with me but this time round, it weigh quite heavily on me and its a feeling I cant stop. Tell me whats going on, what is it that is in me that made me become like this. Lost--------- You don't know whats is it, I don't either. What I just know bout this feeling is that I became very paranoid. Very paranoid of my loved ones. My mother, Father, Grandmother, Brother and Boyfriend. This few people, I get paranoid easily. When they don't pick up my calls, I kept calling. When they aren't feeling very well, I kept asking, I kept trying to find ways to recover them. I keep, I kept. I became someone who is very very extremely frighten that I'll lose my loved ones. Living Life for me became very...... vague. But, I was never at least like this despite them being my priorities. I seems to have lost myself entirely. lost, I don't know to whom, what, which, where, and how the hell did I lost it and why, Why did I even lose it. I got no idea.. Sigh. Wait, I know what, I lost my pet, a pet which I really liked and doted. A pet which allows me to become a pet lover, at least a dog lover. I cant say i'm a extreme dog lover but at least I finally understand what do owners mean by "dogs are man best friend" I finally understood.......... They are indeed lovable creatures. He created the bonds and polluted the house with their noises. It created laughter to the family and even when I'm not at home to accompany Grandma, at least I know he's there and he will.

(...) I still cry at the slightest thing esp when I see your pictures, esp when I see your pet shops, your treats, whatever. you know I still did. #Sweetheart. :'(

and wait again, I lost a friend, and another. I paid my last visit and the familiar images which were once alive became not, haunts me concurrently. It just kept coming back. and it scares me.

.
.
.

So all these make me to became like this right now, afraid, frighten, paranoid, bad dreams, it make a lot of sense and every each relates to my current situation.

Suck.

Tremendously.

:

I need to live life.

At least normally.

2011-06-17T18:58:00.000-07:00

Has it been like a common practise to pay the last visit to your friend over in a box under the void deck?

Within the 2nd quarter of a year I visited 2. Tell me what is this, why is life so fragil. I thought I was recovering from the loss of a friend over a bike incident and then now again over another bike incident. It hurts. Nothing else but stunned, painful, and simply just lost. I dont know what to say. I lost my friend, again, over a bike accident. this friend is someone I'd closer contacts with. This friend was my colleague. This friend, we just went for drinking 2 weeks back and this friend, just commented on my status, calling me "Lian-perds" and this friend, was asking me to plan the other outing. This friend, whom I spoke several times with regards to his oversized bike, yet, taking every single care & concern for granted, this friend.... was a short term short lived friend yet, the happy images of this friend could keep coming back. This Friend, I will not remember the bloated body of yours in the box and finally this friend, I will never forget you despite having sucha short friendship with you. This Friend, I miss you.

2011-06-09T06:40:00.000-07:00

My new scope started over at Changi South again... it seems that I cant get over with Changi South any time soon. Well, the new scope as well as the company is good. I like my cubical desk, errrr, my colleagues so far are alright , have been out lunching with random colleagues from varies departments. Well I think it did gave me some kinda mingle opportunities.

This is a 6 months temp contract but their paying are far better than normal ones.. hopefully after 6 months I can still stay there at least? hahaa:)

*****

2011-06-09T06:36:00.000-07:00

And this is to the birthday girl below

Happy Twenty First Sista, please be happy:)

xoxo. tampinesian rocks:)

2011-06-09T06:23:00.000-07:00

It was Jerromes buddy Twentyfirst, was a house party plus a night at Helipad. Both were as good, it was not my first time hanging out with his buddies, well..... actually being the only girl also not bad. hahahaha. :)

(K you know this group picture with the cake below? I dont understand why is the man/BOY screaming behind Jerrome doing this to our group picture. *&^%$#!~ he's not from the SP clique! I mean i'm not from SP either BUT I'm asked to be in the picture but it makes zero sense for him to be in it argh!!!)

Ok so its kinda obvious that Jerrome is quite happy to be in a club har?! He better not be addicted. *&^%$!~!

2011-06-01T21:54:00.000-07:00

Random people and its happening

Sometimes, you just dont know how people gets together, take nice pictures and erm, which probably would last for quite some time. xoxo.

2011-06-01T21:47:00.000-07:00

Happy Twenty First Lynnette, goOdiesz since a decade or so.

Hope you'd a blast;)

****************

2011-06-01T21:46:00.001-07:00

I got a new job with its pay quite good and I freaking pass all my modules. diploma is freaking official MINE !!!!

2011-05-28T22:21:00.000-07:00

I didnt search or visit my livejournal on purpose. I was there unintended. So since I'm there already then ya, I started reading my past entries .... read and read, there's this post with a picture Brother and you were in it. and i labelled "Favourite boys"

I kept staring at the picture as though it was freaking recent. but hell no it was a year ago when you were still alive and kicking.

Unpleasant thoughts just came hitting me on random timings. and this random thoughts are always the same. Its about you. Its about the thought you left, that instant moment you left, the last feelings I'd of you. Why are all these thoughts so freaking recent, so freaking the same . Yes I live life normally, i try. really hard..but... I miss you dearly. Always have the thoughts that you left forever, I cant bring myself to accept. But accepting or not its not even my choice. I am infact left with no options. I dont have magical powers to bring you back to life. I do not have.

If you're talking bout miracles, maybe...... no, i cant say its totally fake. Because I still remember that night when I wrote on my diary saying "If you ever hear me, come to jiejie dream, let me feel touch see you and ensure everything is ok" And on the same particular night, you did. you really really did. When I woke up I was dumb folded. Happy anot, glad, I don't know. All I knew was I know you heard me.

Enough said,

the tears seems to be on its verge again

whats new, anyway?

2011-05-22T07:56:00.001-07:00

I dont know what kinda mood or rather feelings I've every moment. It seems to vary very often these days. I know , I know it'd always been revolving around the same thing. Nothing eases. and that is true. more often said than not, Move on... and just looked forward. Easier said than really do. Who enjoys rollar coaster emotional rides? You do? I don't. No one does. but its not like a feeling which can easily be controlled. I miss him and that its true. I always wake up really wish I can still see him again. really. my heart still hurt significantly every single time I recalled the instant moment he left. My heart hurts....

2011-05-17T07:00:00.000-07:00

It do come to a point whereby I wondered what's the reason for me to be at least hanging on...... I am very firm of having a very determined bright future with Ivan but the thought to go through all these examinations, having to be stressed over the results and the topics makes me sometime feel if..... It's necessary for myself to go through these. I mean I know nothing lasts without hard work.... Or rather, hard works pays off eventually. I guess I'm just ranting cause' at the end of the day I am still firm with what I ever want. No doubt getting there requires really alot of..... Efforts. I'll continue to go for what I want. I will.

2011-05-09T11:18:00.001-07:00

Happy Mothers Day was spent entirely home with the family. I prepared foods, nothing can ever go wrong with the Parents, Sibling , ahma and all.

Unconditionedtwowaylove.
Because I know no matter what, they will always protect me just like I will too.

ILoveyoumomdadahmadi

2011-05-09T11:07:00.000-07:00

left my company again, I know I'm like a very pro active in job hoppings but it wasnt intended. I thought I can last also, I mean I do not have intention to disrupt my plans which I've layed sometime ago but too bad, the entire company structure just sucks. I cant get along with my team mates and maybe my bias manager but shes nice I mean I dont know if its genuine. errr, it dont matter anymore also, right? Netball became a sport which I cant go without. it keeps me going, it keeps me running, sweating, relaxing, exercising, keeping fit and yes, it gives me energy. at least it keeps me moving, at least My boyfriend Jerrome and I are doing fine, we are perhaps... learning again to be more patience with each other. hopefully all these continue:) He calls me SweetGirl and I call him Sweetboy hahaha. We are trying to maintain the Sweetness you call it

Iloveyou

2011-05-09T10:50:00.001-07:00

I realized I stopped writing. I kinda stopped writing in the diaries of mine, in the pretty books of mine. I stopped....writing. I was trying to find back the kinda "momentum" and plannings and... being organized habits but I was not near to having them back. I tried, I know I tried to find back those habits but I dont know why, it cant be my pen, writing, all of the sudden seems so difficult. Could it be I'm not satisfied with my handwritings, Could it be.. I don't have the patience to recall, Could it be my hands are just lazy and tired. Well, I got zero ideas indeed.
Luckily I'm not sick of having a online dairy yet, Infact I guess I wont too.. cos here's probably the surviving tool of my expressions.

2011-05-07T07:50:00.000-07:00

My mother and I were roaming at Isetan, err, maybe not, it was with a purpose. I was there to look for my clinque products. Okay so after confirming that those are what I wana buy, my mother randomly asked about some "年纪比较大的用那一个?" so when the women introduced, we were like "oh....oh.... so the price is...." okay then yadayada, I knew she find it quite expensive for a bottle of serum less than maybe 80ml? I asked her if she wants, she said no, but you know those kinda reluctance. I can see it, I can feel it. but.. but when I said, "I buy, for you, Mothers' Day" all of a sudden, I dont know what I know she felt "DING DING DING....!!!" like happy, I kept observing and... yes, she was happy with me saying "I will buy for you" it was a kinda feeling where you dont know what perfect words can you piece up with, it seems like a in depth natural bonding a mother and her daughter could have. I know in times of good or bad, my mother is around. always have been. And now I know she feels the same. In times of good Or bad, I will be around. Awesome, I love you my mother. very extremely too much. :)

2011-05-04T09:35:00.000-07:00

coolies

another bunch, they are awesome too and im really serious. too bad yide is away, else it'll be complete. my wonderful new friendship, iheartyou. :)

2011-05-04T09:12:00.000-07:00

GirlFriend's 21st

the best thing can happen actually, is to have a bunch of very nice & Sweet Girlfriends.. even though we dont meet everyday but when it comes to birthday especially, you know that they will make it a blast , you just know that every single one of them will try all their power means to buy a expensive nice gifts, all the decoratives, the cake, the dining place. all. and i mean everyone of them ; Thank you for being apart in my Life, the 6 of you:)

<3

Birthday Girl Shirui treated us over to HardRock Cafe, nice and expensive! xD thank you for the treats :) Followed by Party World, and we'd a surpised for her credits go to (Shevone and Singyee) :D

it was great, the companion were just awesome and the kinda updates gossips , fun we'd were crazy , wish to hv more of it :)

hmm , and this beautiful cake was made by Amanda and Yanhan ! (I was there to extra only) such lovely cake, right:)

and this is what we got for her!

alliknowistheyaresuchsweetgirlsreally.

I know you're happy. xoxo. loveyou .xoxo

2011-04-22T23:50:00.000-07:00

I lost a friend

I dont know how is this friend losing feeling. I have not lose a friend yet. So this news which brought to me by your whatsapp gave me a fucking shock. For that fucking moment I really wish it was April's Fool. Even though we werent very extremely close and even though we arent even friends from begining, its still quite upset to see you leave. We became friends abruptly after you left Acecom and just recently after I joined Acecom.. Subsequently we just talked on MSN, whatsapp and maybe you'll just comment on my status.. and during this period where I lost my dog you did console me here and there over MSN and it was just pretty recent when you nudged me again maybe late last week. Who knows, that was indeed the last conversation. From now onwards, I'll have a friend lesser to talk cok with and just so you know, to have someone whom we can try clicking with and too, a new friend I should say, its rare come by. Steven, I dont know very much of you but I can say or rather I can feel or maybe I can acknowledged, you're really a nice person. Peace, which I dont even know what the hell is it, still, I hope whereever you are, you will seek peace. From the bottom of my heart, you'll be missed.

2011-04-17T02:55:00.000-07:00

We abused our very close relationship and don't stand on ceremony on the choice of words/sentence we usually phrase especially on times where/ when the anger is at the top of the mountain Then we no need a very long time to realise our mistakes and somewhat tried to amend. Maybe we were to ashamed of our own behaviors and wish the opposite would start apologizing first. Somewhere in me, I know we felt the same.

2011-04-16T11:27:00.000-07:00

Colors

When was the exact last time where my entries are at least filled with colors? Erm, maybe after sometime, yeah, this one is at least colored.

Happy Birthday to a Friendship since secondary. Even though we do not meet up extremely often, neither do we catch up on our lives so much, still somewhere I know we are just.... erm, I dont know what should be that word. hees, thankyou for inviting me to witness your kitty theme, happy twenty first to you cheryl!:D

2011-04-12T08:17:00.001-07:00

I love you

-

I may have forgottan to tell you how much I've loved you , truth is I really really do. Its just when its on the verge of a goodbye makes me realise all over again , how much you meant the world to me , how much I love JRHP. Still , there's this calling asking me to just move on... perhaps.. when this relationship gets too long, shit happens , and yes I tried.. really, I thought I'll do cool without you. I mean we tried, I dont know how successful or not we are, but yeah, we both tried. I tried

I dont know how's this feeling , I mean all the expectations , comparisons and whats not , ... its suffocating but sometimes again , when I just try to aside all these expectations and whats not, I feel that is okay.. but why do we always still have those shit expections ,

arent love, arent relationship supposed to be accepting flaws of each other... then what are we really fighting about , hais . I was trying to recall the last time we you i were really happy about each other

nevertheless , i know this life, I love you so, it'd always been you, for 6 freaking years , no matter how and what kinda friends guys I made , I never want/ try dating / hang out another person , I cant imagine myself with another person , I mean , with you was just awesome , the feelings were..... just right.

I dont know if you know but now I'm telling you, I love you so much;

2011-03-31T08:02:00.000-07:00

Sweet,

jiejiecrylikeafuckingbabyeverysinglenight.
and
everysinglemorningiwokeup, i;llfeelthisacutelossagain,alloverfuckingagainsweet.

:'(

2011-03-26T07:47:00.000-07:00

This saturday, i am home - - to do studying. preparing for my upcoming exams which will be here I think pretty soon, 12th and 15th of April. I didnt really want last minute rushing anymore so ya. .

I think gradually im being moved by life unknowingly, unwillingy, I was and did. This loss, is still very recent, still very unwilling. still very idontknow, I never wanted him to leave:(

Everytime I thought I was coping well, (at least for the moment) then I dont know why I would suddenly stopped and remind myself about the loss. It came naturally. haix.. This saturday sweetheart, i wish you were here with me just lying around, and ya, maybe bring you down to play, I dont know its just perfect-- Actually to feel better I always imagine. I imagine youre still here, at my door room, lying down and peeping underneath, I imagine you following behind Oldgranny everytime she stands up, I imagine hugging you Sweetheart. How I really Wish i could have you once again, all over again. Sigh...

2011-03-20T08:07:00.000-07:00

You know what sweetheart, today I attempted to get a replacement. actually this word seems so.. whatthefuck but baby, your didi/korkor didnt made it home. He looked like you very much and to be frank, my heart hurts when I saw him.. Cus it literally reminded me of you.

I know this entire replacement thing is so screwed up. It was my impulse I know, sorry Gene :(

When I carried Gene in my arms and when I start to observe him, I feel that he's really really like sweetheart and that my heart was actually pain. I dont know what kinda pain is this.. maybe because I feel that he will really be replaced than showering him w love. but, thats not true. I will treat him as Gene.. Apart of me was very afraid... Afraid . . I dont know what kinda afraid is this .

Maybe it was my family. My family is giving me alot of problem . . and that maybe because of my parents declining business made them very fucked and reluctant to accept. They were hard core kpkb and that made the reason for me to gave up Gene. . sigh gene:'( dui bu qi . .

now i am back to nothingness, allfuckingoveragain

2011-03-12T01:34:00.000-08:00

xiaob, my beloved doggy left me, left my brother left the entire family on 8th March 2011. The heart cant stop aching, the tears cant stop flowing. I miss you so fucking much.

It was an accident. an accident which could be prevented if everyone of us in the family was more careful and thoughtful my sweetheart...... got choked by a fruit which he snatched from the table. he struggled to puke out and by the time my brother digged out the damn fucking fruit, hes weak and leaving. - my heart was..... totally hurt.

My sweetheart, which i got last closest contact with left me. if i could make the decision to visit my aljunied grandma on that god damn fucking tuesday , he would not have left me. I brought him down to play, he was happy. I'd got all the raw alived pictures of him and whenever I visit my gallary my heart starts to beat, tears starts to fall, mind starts to recall significally.

What the fuck is this, tell me. tell me how long would i ever take to ease this loss. My sweetheart, the entire house was about you.

When we ring the bell, knocked the door, you are always there to answer it. Even if I were to home 3 am, you'll be there.. be there to call for door openings.

When ahma wakes up.. youll follow behind her, follow to her wash up. wait for her breakfast and asked for some foods.

When brother is sleeping, youll go to him and smell him, then lie beside him.

When I wanna snap pictures of you, unknowingly co-operative or what, youll looked into the camera.

When we bite on snacks, you will come and find us cus u wana have a bite of it.

When I am lonely and have no one, you were my only friend.

When I study and do projects, you just linger around me, around the room.

-

All that I can remember vividly will never be able to come alive. Even its for the last time, my dearest BB , you;ll never come back-

I am so fucking sorry. I failed to protect you. I fucking miss and love you so much. You know . . this loss is so significant and painful. knnbpcb painful. jiejie wish you could come back..... jiejie wish to smell you again. wish to bring you down and play, wish to hug you to bed. jiejie miss every little thing of you. I miss you scratching your body, I miss you hating the sound of the hair dryer, I miss you sleeping on the sofa, on the floor, beside ahma, I miss you asking for foods, I miss your meals at 7am and 4pm, I miss your shampoo, your towels, your toys, your ledge. jiejie missed every little thing about you sweet heart.

This entire thing happened too quick. you could have a longer life span. jiejie could have you a little longer sweetheart.

Dearest BB, despite all that had happened, you know I loved you most... doted on you, play with you and is very thankful that you became a part of us , became ahma;s best companion, my bestest friend, brothers favourite pet, and family's joy. You became a part of us unknowingly over the years.

Baby, you will always be with us , even though this sentence is total crap but I hope youll remember me, my dear sweet heart.

Jiejie cant stop crying for you. I miss you baby.

2011-02-26T07:44:00.000-08:00

busy bee, busy bee.

This entire week is crazy. Reaching home at 11pm every single week day became a norm for the week. It's indeed tiring.. draining all my cells and energy. If the results would come out positively the following monday it would ALL be worthwhile, even if I were to undergo it again. --- I NEED TO PASS PLEASE:(

Then i guess i shouldnt even be here right now typing this using msn and facebook. But I really appreciate if I can hv some time alone just to do something I like.... and.. yah.. deprieved of sleep. and I didnt even geddo meet my boyfriend. . but still today we did enjoy a short one, a breakfast over mac's.. contented. oh ya, and I stayed over on friday:)

well.........

I've been transferred to a new scope as sales co-ordinator and Zinnie have officially become my colleague . much love:)

2011-02-13T06:09:00.001-08:00

6th Valentines ` we.know.we.walked.a.long.way.through.`

With Love,

pingpingdear~

2011-02-10T06:05:00.000-08:00

Todayismyspecialday. <3*

2011-02-06T05:55:00.000-08:00

and.. the traditional chinese new year ended just like this. everything is like this, came to fast ended to quick. sigh ~

Third day of CNY was spent with Jerrome and his family over at his 3rd aunt's condo's club house. Buffet, gambling, photo takings are norm. .

fought, and wished again youd never

2011-02-04T08:37:00.000-08:00

Quickly pin down this moment, for fear I'll forget. Which I dont think I hardly will though.

-

Jerrome and I was undergoing some major fight the entire today , was due to some... common issues which I flared swaysway today, 2nd day of CNY. Well.. erm.. okay so the fight got quite bad till we didnt wana talk anymore. And we just got ahead with our own agendas ignoring each other's.

So yadayada- I lead my day and he led his.

-

So today 2nd day of CNY, I organised a gathering cum celebration of my birthday with the presence of my family(both side of cousins) which is indeed a rare shit cos I hardly ever mixed these 2 batch of people, and my grandmother(S) never meet. But surprise or what, they did today:)

I was happy, teehee.:)

-

And yup, the entire gathering was great. everyone is happy and fulfilled. the parents which have been busy the entire day from work finally have some time off with their siblings and beer and gamble, this gatherng today indeed make their 2011 new year a quite happy one. and I could read it all from their faces. yay, I succeeded. :) happys*

(Back to part where Jerrome and I were.... fighting)

He'd some kinda gathering over at his side too and not surprisingly, he wont be attending mine. I mean, not afraid/shy or whatever to say, he hardly hardly join me and my family. So... ya that was partly a subject to our fighting. (Dropping the idea of jioing him or what, not even thinking or thought he'll come), he did. by himself. I was.. shocked. really really shocked. I never expected him to come.. by himself. we were not in contact for the entire day since 10 am, and he showed up at 7pm odd, so the moment I saw him... I was dumbfounded.. this bad. then.. "oh, okay" started bainian-ing and yea, we became fine just like that.

I was.. really touched by him coming alone without in contact/ telling me he will. Coz he's never this sociable but I know he was nervous. His hands were quite icy.... hahaha. I mean honestly why would he not, coming in to a house with familiar or NOT faces, happy new year-ing with whoever that were on the gambling table I guess.. its really paiseh.

For a moment, I thought I'd never been this appreciative of him.

I Love you.

2011-02-01T07:17:00.000-08:00

Very long never blog, and this is soooo true.

I dont know what have life been revolving around/about what, sometimes it seems so speedy that it could just pass like a blink, sometimes not, like some kinda slow machine. So far, my life been on track, 9-6 office hours front desk, and going to transfer to a new position, sales co-ordinator. Hope that moment come fast cos.. yea I dont really like being a front desk-er, if its not for the distance, and the money I bet I would have ran a thousand miles long long ago.

So, I am back to school for the last fucking final re-module. very sad case la, I mean I would have graduated and done with diploma but blame who, what? me- yea, ME. stupid me for flunking this 2 stupid mathematics modules :( please lemme clear this round. *prays

As for Jerrome these days, his BMT days are over, POP officially LOH. it was honestly quite a speedy thing to me. and of cos to him.. I kinda miss the times when he just went into BMT. . aww, his uni4, the way he misses home and me and whats not is so cute :)

But anyway he got posted out to storeman due to temporary down pest, which those medical officers will review again probably in May. he's doing a 8-5 thing but we hardly can even meet. sigh. due to my busy schedules, weekends seems extremely precious.

Anyway I took up netball! hooray! its like a dream come true again to me, not kidding! I always loved netball since young days but I never went ahead with the CCA back in Tampines Secondary.. so.. ya.. being able to reminisc and get hold of the ball and position, really makes my life WOW:) teehees.

And oh, I always wanted to visit the old folks home, always had it "circulating" in my mouth or brain but never ever really did. But on.. erm.. 23rd Jan 2011, I did it, for real:) Yes alone. didnt jioed anyone in particular to visit the homes with me. Maybe I did ask Jerrome like "eh if you wana follow me....." but if the response was.. "err see first dont know then say" then I couldnt be bothered.. therefore asking for companion or what is seriously a hassle and loh soh. I mean if I do have someone with me would be even better lah, but I dont know, I was just determined to do it all alone.

The old people are really fragil.. The minute I walked in, I really felt like crying. I just... feel really sad. the only thing which belonged to them at least for now, is the bed. The bed was their closest thing. No kin, No family, No Son, No Daughter, No Grandson, No Granddaughter. Noone freaking fucking bothered to give their poor grannies some visit or what.

I dont understand, why do they fucking wanto put them in the old folks home at the first place. You mean THEY forgottan those ahma were the ones who pull them through the childhood days, the education, the marriage or whatever, just that they are fragil now they decide to abandon just like this, I really is upset:(

_|_ middle finger to these fuckers.

-

and, jerrome and I celebrated our 21st Birthday together.. it was quite memorable, as the anticipation towards planning was really there. :)

I really hope the day2 pictures dont get lost due to my screwed memory card. sigh, hopefully Titan is able to save it :(((((( *prays

*overall, the entire Jan was fine. :)

PS, I love you Baby

2011-01-21T08:36:00.000-08:00

*Lets do treasuring.

2011-01-17T07:42:00.000-08:00

Happy 21st Amelyn ~

2011-01-02T02:45:00.000-08:00

and it seems like I've neglected this thing for over a thousand days?!?!? okay la, abit kua zhang. hahah!.

>.<

anyway 2010 officially, finally, ended???? :)

it was spent over with a bunch of mixed people.. yeah quite good. 4 hours of sleep is EVEN BETTER. hahahha. the following day was spent fighting my hangover fever.zzzzzzz. I reached Jerrome's place at 9am... then we yadayaday home slacks aftewhich to Queenstown shopping centre them purchased, while I followed almost like a zombie, then, to Tampines for movie, then then koi, then then, ya back to his place. .

2011, huat max!!!

2010-12-27T03:39:00.000-08:00

Swweeeets, I love This Christmas. :D

2010-12-23T07:44:00.000-08:00

Certain things you dont expect would turned out better :)

XMAS EXCHANGED AT BEDOK POINT!:)

okay am a lousy bump to load moreeeee no thats not true cus its 12aaaaa-m in afew mins and i have work tml so i gotta chao and BE BACK AGAIN !

2010-12-22T06:34:00.000-08:00

Just when I was about to load that picture of us , I realised I didnt sync to my lappy???? T___T

Anyway, my new work started. not THAT bad, people are moderately fine(For the time being) erms, but the scope is boring!. I dont know why did I even tk up this position... probably because is near (Changi South) Transport thru & Fro provided. Tanah merah----> Company -----> Tanahmerah. Save quite abit on transport liaos.. then they pay quite good also. Still, I cant stand being bored. I mean I really cant stand doing nothing. or maybe SOMETHING, a little things. I prefer bee dayssssss. I so hope my superior can faster "transfer" me to sales coordinator!!!!

Kays . cant wait for Friday!!! halfday + xmas date with MY JERROME !!! <3 <3 JUST US FINALLY(!) WOOHOO!

2010-12-19T06:30:00.000-08:00

Happy 20th Birthday to our last girl, Shevone <3 *__* :D

Awesome alacate bday + christmas dinner over at Tunglok ~ :D very costly though T__T

xoxo,

Love my bunch of lovlies :D

2010-12-17T18:18:00.001-08:00

virgin visit to my place, steamboat.....and camwhoring.. and whats not? gossips and typical girl's thing:)

<3 <3 <3

and we're meeting again on Sunday WEEEEEEE !! :)

2010-12-15T18:13:00.000-08:00

happy 70 months to you mr. JR and our jRhP!:)

always.be.my.baby~ <3*

2010-12-13T03:42:00.001-08:00

Hey, my dearest went for this 3 Days 2 night SIT test in the jungle (again) and he's uncontactable (again)

sads`.

and he can only booked out on Saturday T__T

Make it speedy please.

XOXO.

2010-12-12T08:27:00.000-08:00

First Christmas Exchange of the year 2010! :)

-

Was with coolies ! ^^

Modesto serve very nice foods but expensive if its individually, even more expensive if its WITHOUT those special discounts !

it was a christmas exchanged thing as well as a birthday celebration for vynn!:)Love this bunch of people. :)

We exchanged the pressie, unintentionally, the guys exchanged among themselves and we too, I got Andrea's. :)

-

The guys left early while Andrea and I did some shoppings :)

2010-12-05T03:44:00.000-08:00

The SweetHeart is sick. :(

He booked out for the 4th time with 3 times falling sick. This time round was worse cus the following tomorrow he is off for field camp. Last 12am, his mom and I sent him over to CGH for a quick check up and visit.

and for the entire Sunday , he was feeling sleepish and.. feverish and whats not. those sick symtoms all came rushing in. sigh :( I did stayed by him for the entire day. by the bed..

I hops he get well this soon so that his out field wouldnt be a torturous thing...

*prays* no rain... cus it cant be making it worse.

2010-12-02T11:10:00.000-08:00

Was watching some army life thingy video which is why I am still quite awake at this unearthly hour, 3.11am.-

It's been quite long eversince I;m this late though . . I was watching Personal Taste, and some online usuals.

this army video really makes my heart goes sour=( the tough training for the boys are really.. not easy. *sigh. they are indeed the son of singaporeans . . *much hugs*

Seeing their process make me understand how the more should I be more..concern or understanding and how should I be more related to Jerrome's army life.

He'll be heading for the torturous or maybe enjoyable I don't know field camp the coming week. I totally do not have any ideas how should I be handling but well, I hope I can be cus I;ll probably be busy preparing for my Thursday papers.

ah fuck, whatever it is, I;ll just be patience... I promise*

and am going to enjoy this weekends with him, no grumblings, no kpkb, just content and take what is given. . :)

now I am kinda regretful to work on friday from 330-10pm. sigh!:(<

2010-12-01T08:35:00.001-08:00

Oh, my lovely picture:)

xoxo,
miss you ^^

2010-12-01T08:28:00.000-08:00

Three hours with the old/new Friendship <3*

*Siglap starbucks, siglap playground & siglap park*

Many catch up-s being done. . hopefully we can meet for more sessions ! :)>

2010-11-28T04:20:00.000-08:00

I know that over this weekend, I wasnt behaving at my fullest. I showed attitudes instead of showering love. I grumble instead of caring, I demand instead of understanding. I thought this entire army thing grew my patience and understanding level. I mean I cant deny it did to certain extent... but still, if I could have a even better of P & U level, that would be awesome I bet.

Sigh, I wish I could do even better.

He booked out once a week is actually... a very precious thing. I knew this thing last week, I applied the "theory" and understand how precious it was. But why hadnt I make full used of it this week.

Still, I stayed over Friday & saturday, I mean its good still, to have him on bed together... But right here am grumbling about the lack of my understanding level. I didnt even gave in to him (few hours) before he went into tekong, but an hour before he went in, I did, we did played peace. :)

I dont know why but this army, it seems like he grew and became more dependent on me. and it seems that he'd fallen in love all over again with me. That was sweet though but still, why am I not being understanding like I expected even myself?

:(

allow next week to be better please, I bet. :)

*im sorry, my baby*

anyway, over the weekends , we'd KFC on Friday dinner/Supper, and on Saturday was to Ikea and the day ended pretty early. and on Sunday, all the family went over to East Coast TungLok to have early lunch. 8-10 course lunch thingy. :)

*yums*

Jerrome and his *familiar* cousin Sheldon~

*my favourite picture now*

2010-11-24T08:28:00.000-08:00

I.cant.literally.wait.seeing.you.at.Pasir.Ris.

I.cant.wait.to.just.hold.your.hand.

I.cant.wait.to.cuddle.in.the.huge.arms.of.yours.

I.cant.wait.to.sleep.beside.you.

I.cant.wait.to.see.that.youre.the.first.person.I.feel.when.I.wake.

Baby, there's so much things about you I cant really wait.

2010-11-21T05:06:00.000-08:00

what.kinda.sunday.is.this.

everything did done or doing dont seems to be at its best. I feel lazy for most of the time (Today) and I dont know why.

It cant be because im jobless what. Could it be because I'm not out? no what, I dont really feel like going out. Could it be that exams are coming and I'm not mugging hard enough? Could it be that erm.. I feel.... (that my hair should undergo some treatments before I see the world?) Fuck it man, it must be that.

whatever it is lah, the weather today is killer shit balls. I should be going for a cooooool shower with scrubing & cutting my nails. and then I'll clean my room up and then I will write on the calender on whats up this week plus try to do my notes and finally, finish reading the Sunday Times! :)

I shalllllll mannnnn .

xoxo!

2010-11-20T18:24:00.000-08:00

I kinda feel going to Gym(For me) on an individual point of view is a total useless shit balls thing. Cuxz the fats will only eventually start to burn when you're on the trackmill AFTER 20 mins which means the 20 mins you ran earlier on are "starting up" and thats very sad to say/ know Cuz I always only manage to run for that 20 mins . . omFG* i always dont have the habit of using my 2.5$ to the fullllest . Fuck it mannnnn , wana exercise the best thing WOULD BE WALKING AND CONTROL DIET. CONFIRM. OR maybe, cycling.

(Met up with Wanting for gymming at 11am...)

-

Evening/ Night to Summer Breeze(Pasir Ris) damn.nice.lor.ok.lah. nice foods, cheap alcohols and boys to see , WAHAHA. (JK)

*yums*

i
bring
jerrome
here
next
time
!
:)

After that we kinda got lost, I mean, we dont really have any ideas where should we go.. so, yadayada, we went to her house slack instead! Watch Jielun's world tour's concert on her AVA screeen! :)

chilled slack and just talk about anything . .

* actually its quite gd like this then having to go squeeeeezy places * Life is too hectic so why make it worse even on a weekend? * :) * once in awhile can lah though * hahaha * :)> *

2010-11-19T08:32:00.000-08:00

I probably is missing my Boy quite much.

2010-11-18T07:12:00.000-08:00

I left my job.

I am happy, Happier, relieve, relieve-r. :)

I can say I tendered, I also can say you terminated me.

I dont have much feelings for this job. Cuz right from the begining i didnt put in too mcuh efforts for the people. for the colleague to be specified.. and when I left, no one really cared. actually I do not too. but still, I appreacite liaogas saying he'll miss me, and aaron asking if im alright. I can hardly catch your expression, your thoughts and whats not, still, I appreciate certain things we've shared, and gladys for calling me . .

:)

actually at times i do wish im a tai tai, doing nthg but have endless money, do nails everytime, dressed up, go town facial everyday, enjoy hitea, whatever. i havnt had a taitai life. just when??

2010-11-17T06:19:00.000-08:00

Jerrome's first book out.:) 16.11.2010* our 69th Months*-

Grats my baby, you made it passed the initial period! You're doing great. Please hang it there. :)>

seeing him in his uni, actually is a very proud thing. . all the grumblings and nots, misses or what, you just wished you could melt all out into his arms. This bad, the misses were this massive. .

(Handsome huh!)

Of course, we did spent our night in quality. . no quarrels, no shoutings, no rudes, just updates, loves, hugs&kisses. .

This army, made me feel more love. like as though he was falling back in love. (you know those initial love birds....) yes, he gave me this feeling. it was this.... assuring.

This army, made me grow to become more understanding, patience, and whats not, tolerate.

This army, made me not waste any of his time off cuz i just cant afford to. I cant possibly wait 7 days, or maybe 5, (Feeling lousy).

This army, made me go according to him. .

Even if its 7am in the morning, i know his a very goodboy who wana (also) spend time with his mom and me, and that he cant afford his mum to go marketing alone, he asked if i could accompany him together with his family at 7 am.

How can i say no, if i did, I would have go against this little filial boy, isnt it... and of course i did wake up.:)>

xoxo,

9 days.

2010-11-15T05:15:00.000-08:00

Jie yong yao hui jia le.!!!:D Yay! <3<3<3

I miss wo de xiao bAo~:)

2010-11-14T03:11:00.000-08:00

Party with my old fame. :) <3*

Being with her gave me a very familiar feelings.

rude, vulgar, sweet, kaopeh, shout. all in one.- my winwin sista.*

2010-11-14T00:49:00.000-08:00

I don't know how to literally expressed my happiness on being able to touch my own reddy lappy right now!:D I feel so safe and just familiar with all the settings, keypads, and whats not. I so......love my laptop. yay*!!!!

2010-11-11T03:54:00.000-08:00

Before I kick start the completion of my project assignment, lemme just type something out here. Perhaps I needed it, very badly.

To work: I didnt know eversince how long ago my energy for this job had depleted unknowingly. I dont really feel it coming, but my dear boss reminded me. and and that actually made me wondered did I really.... lost the "interest" momentum or whatever you called it.

Everyone talks about figures. If you are not able to produce the sales figures, who really cares where you're coming from. Cuz no one just do. I dont see why should I be running after something which are eventually not intending to imprint my foot steps. I dont see why am I not being rewarded accordingly even i worked extra harder. I dont see and understand the screwed up commission scheme?

I cant believe that this sales job brings me no where. Even if I fucking hell close big orders I dont get a shit, I dont get the basic commission pay out. Why? Because I didnt Hit target. Fuck tard, no? yes.

Having to be in different kinda sales industry short or longer term, this is the first ever I got calls over the weekends and still stay up after 6pm, with no commission. Fuck? yes.

Tell me what should I do? If I were to leave right now, it'll most probably freak the colleagues out there. like *bo tai bo ji* suddenly leave. haiz, Fuck THis ShIT.

To Jerrome: massive misses* Thats all I can say. having just to survive with the virgin call of the night and living with the only Text at 530am, actually is quite tideous for me. what happens in between? *mAssive.misses* siGhx.

but thats the place he eventually grow....... *jIayou. he must be missing home fucking badly. 5 days baby, its coming. hang it there, you;re doing good.

and To SChoOl: I gona start mugging my assignment before its TOO late cuz its dued tml. and to school again, they are my final modules and to my school again, my examination is coming in 3 weeks time. Fuck it? yes, no?

I will work hard.

2010-11-10T08:15:00.000-08:00

my dearest boyfriend is home sick! *Wish I could do something, sigh!

I miss you:'(

2010-11-08T19:31:00.000-08:00

I didnt really expect myself to go over his place a night before he got shipped in, cuz our initial plans is to go Macs' after my make up lesson. But he ask me to go over saying he wana hug me to bed.sweet only, but it was indeed.

nobody really likes seperation, we could be this long and fight or quarrel almost very often, but still when it narrows down to saying goodbyes, actually it sucks.

Before we grow older and have other forms of needs and wants, I just wana be reminded (again) that Jerrome is the boy or man to be, whom I am and is still madly in love with.

xoxo,

Good luck my Jerrome.

2010-11-07T01:23:00.000-07:00

Post Army symdrome-

all the poor girlfriends out there suffer along with their botak boyfriends.. awwwwwwwwwwwwwwww~ that's so....*&^%$#@! okay actually (its hitting nearer and fucking near, 2 damn it days O.O) :<( I hope everything would just be ALL fine. Im not sending him off to Tekong cuz you know I'll definitely cry like a baby. and he do not want to cry toO? haha. so i just have to guai guai go work lor.:(<

But this enlistment, I dont feel so isolated. Cuz i've many boy-friends who is also enlisting in between that week(8th-12th) so I guess Jerrome wont feel so lonely too? and I bet im not the only GirlFriend who is going to suffer. >.<

I spent my long weekends over at Jerrome's place for consecutively 3 days. we didnt do alot alot or go alot of places but it was overall okay. I thought it sucked but actually its okay la, I guess the 2 weeks gona fly by. *prays. I've a list of 'To-Do-s' and hope to really do it.

:

Do I still have time to buy him a SomethinG? *Wonders.

2010-11-05T22:32:00.001-07:00

You know I'll miss you when you got shipped into Tekong. TakeGoodCare- my circle head.*<3*

2010-11-03T22:08:00.000-07:00

(Just when I wanted to finally type something, my dear boss appeared from whereever he is)

I didnt bring my laptop back for my project assignment. That means for the next few days or maybe a week, I gona be seen busy mugging like a bitch. :(< sad shit.

Jerrome will be enlisting in about 4 days(in exact) I dont know how should I be feeling..... I guess I am... alright now just that I know still, it wont be easy for me to handle when it really strike. Cuz I'm quite involved in him though we dont meet every single day but still, its been 5 years many months, we were really close I should say. So having to leave me for a few weeks actually to me hurts but I guess ultimately it is a very good thing cuz he finally gona become a man. :)

I guess I gona be busy burying myself with whats not, projects, studying for exams, and.... what, meeting up with friends lor!:)> hahaha.

Anyway we went zoo again, the last visit was 2 years ago.. this time round we went with Sheldon & his Girlfriend, after that we'd sakura.. shall load soOoOoOoN.

back to work liao, goodbye!:D

2010-10-23T21:36:00.000-07:00

Because a Friendship that clicks well with each and everyone I love in gradual, it is a and the most beautiful I could ever asked for. Even if the Friendship is less than a year old

-

I met the girl above, andrea AKA Qiqi as early as 9am for our $12/hour work that saturday. it was OK lah. home and dressing up again, would already be 6pm, rushed and met the guys around 7pm for our dinner at Jolly Frog. A pretty nice resturant though.... :>)

Afterwhich we were really kinda wonder where the hell should we be hanging out and we.... ended at powerhouse(again) for the XXXXX times, cuz my Friend there LOVE powerhouseeeeeee.

yadayada, alcohols and music, I probably wasnt in the really mooooood to get very "high" and kaopehzzzz. Flaming thing didnt kill me, AT ALL. :D haha.

-)

Had Fun(S)

love
they
all
maxico.

hopefully the Friendship can always be seen running... and running.

2010-10-22T08:38:00.000-07:00

My parents love to me is unconditioned.

Just like how mine it is to theirs. maybe a little lesser than theirs, but I am improving. day by day, I am improving. Improving to be their better girl, improving to shower them with more love. Improving... to hopefully give them a better life.

I dont know how contented are them with each other, or maybe their lives now, or maybe their financial not-s related, their businesses, their every single thing. but I hope my brother and I, could be their greatest gift. we may not be gifted in any ways, professional in any ways, genius in any ways, I know still, we are their most precious and probably still will be their proud-est achievements. haix, I love them, really, unconditionally, I really fucking do.

(I know I am always emotional *&^%$#@!)

Probably because Jerrome is not with me tonight, tomorrow's and the day after and after. His family went over malaysia to witness (again) her cousin's marriage.. To think of it, it is really a pretty short thing. Before it came by, I was thinking, "aye damn it, few days only what, furthermore it is over the weekends" but when it really came hitting, I just fucking think that few days IS tolerable, NOT.
:(

I cant forcast myself seeing him over tekong, shipping in to that ulu island. That would probably be the MOST torturous periods, Ever:( *uPseTs*

Miss you baby,

come back soon and safely please.

xoxo.

2010-10-17T05:23:00.000-07:00

I feel that my Life is in a mess. It seems that many things havent been done. I cant seems to bring my Life back onto track. Everything to me seems so bleak. I can't forecast where am heading to. I need a Life. a Life which I was quite positive about. a Life which I never felt so isolated. a Life which I wanted, a Life which I pictured.

But where'd all these "Life" gone to? or rather where'd I lost it all to? Sometimes it just get too mundane, too drained, too lazy, to unmotivated, to less bothered. I hate to feel lazy, How can I always not get drained by the laziness and how do we often feel LESS lazy? Back then, (I dont remember how back was then) I could kill the laziness, I see it coming I screwed it right before it hit me hard. Back then (again) I could conquered it. Without fail, I always do.

So what had happened to me, or rather my "ability" to conquer the laziness and all the motivating Lifes, Lives? I shouldn't be feeling Life's a bitch cuz I dont believe it. Life to me is beautiful. But..... sometimes you just have to experience it and then.. conclude that Life sucks. Vice versa, to taste the sweetness of Life before you conclude again that Life IS indeed beautiful.

Many factors, financially, personally, work, studies, family, relationships and friends. Every single mentioned bring me back to Life. And if one happened to occur or perform bad, that's it. My Life will be in a messed up situation and again, I have to get it back on track so as to move towards My Life.

Sometimes I wonder why am I so easily fucked by things around me. How can I feel less easily interrupted and just move on with what I'm doing and just fuck them all it. Sometimes I could see me being strong enough to withstand it all but sometimes again, I feel all so shitty, being conquered by them again and again.

I always believe in the power of mind. My mind say YES means YES. I always believe the subconsiousness of our ability to outcast our external. but how do we apply it back ON REALITY? you read it and you find it easy. but when you try applying it, there it goes again, fucking your life. Difficult.

But right now I am really going to get my Life back on MY track. I should be doing it alone, with the ability of my subconsiousness and the power of MY MIND. Do you think I can? Yes I believe I should be able.

2010-10-16T04:08:00.000-07:00

5 Years 8 Months *

Crazy shit indeed, yes, we've come THIS far.

***

Talking about 10.10.10 last week, it was an evening witnessing the young couple. Honestly to me, going into a marriage is a very scary thing. Cuz you never know how long would the love for both lasts. A marriage is indeed a night only which is supposed to last a life time but how often are beautiful marriage lasting a longer time?... After being married for a decade or so, being with each other would become a routine. and thats not what I ever want. I dont want a beautiful Love to become a routine.

*If knowing that he dont love you like you thought he is, and if knowing that you will be the one who might have to put in the most efforts to make it worked, would you still, would you still marry him?*

*happily marriage to you bothxz.*

2010-10-09T23:17:00.002-07:00

Nevertheless, before things slipped my mind, today is 10.10.10` which maybe we can witness alot of people getting married and yadayada. Not surprisingly, I've 1 to attend this evening.

Yestaday was at pasir ris BBQ to celebrate my babe 19th!! Young and furious indeeddddd. great companion, alcohol, music like powerhouse, no ambience though, and meeting new people. a simple blast indeed. love max. <3*

IF YOU KNOW ME YOU WILL KNOW THAT I ALWAYS LOVE FRIENDSHIPS.

2010-10-09T23:17:00.001-07:00

Very true that with Twitter on board, blogger seems so troublesome.

2010-10-03T04:22:00.000-07:00

1st october - 3rd october 2010 Star Virgo `

it was a virgin JRHP trip~

a trip that was soley belonged to us, a trip which we spent the period entirely just with the both of us, a trip which requires us to depend on each other, a trip which... was truely a new experience.

so how can i draft in brief what happened or how the trip went by? hmm.. it was... an awesome one, for if i can get a better word, I would. but so far, AWESOME is the one.

on board itself, to me is amazing to do so many things on the huge thing. I wonder how can technology get this advance?! tsk. anyway we lounged, we beer-ed, we martini, tequila pop, we buffet, we chinese dishes, we ice cream, we swam, we magic show, we drama shows, we snacked, we just did alot together.

And he said. "Eh you've diary anot, lets write in detailed for the entire trip, together"

And he drew this smiley face with curry on the plate cuz he made me angry* I dont want to smile upon seeing that cuz i am STILL ANGRY ROARS!!

ALL or nothing, you rocked my world, babyxz.

I love you, my man. <3

2010-10-03T04:18:00.000-07:00

Last saturday.... (which I cant exactly draw up the exact date right now with my "still recovering from sea-shore" brainee,) went my favourite ever ever ever, powerhouse with Crystal, Lynnette( quite rare thing ) and some guys. I dont know why but i never get sick of powerhouse. Hahahha.

It was okay, that night could be longerrrrrrr.

(:

I want more trance and tecktonick and powerhouse!!!

2010-09-23T06:59:00.000-07:00

I want my weekends to be a blast. The blast I EXPECTED, I LONGED. Hopefully my weekends wont disappoint me. PRAYS*!!!! <3<3

2010-09-23T06:58:00.001-07:00

You dont really have to try "blending" into it. Sometimes luck or what, they just came hitting on it. Unknowingly, naturally.

2010-09-23T06:49:00.000-07:00

and that's for 2010`

actually like i mentioned 2 years ago, it was not an occasion where my family and I practised. so it doesnt really whole much significant to me though but still, it was an occasion where chinese people respect & looked forward ~ :) :)

may the rest of the days ahead be blessed <3 <3 <3

2010-09-19T06:55:00.000-07:00

Cuz I know I won't get fucked ever by this Friendship I Love.

(*)

To Diana:

please dont lemme see you once in a year. you know you've missed all our birthday occasions this year! ;< Please create more time for us ;>

Happy Birthday !

2010-09-17T08:41:00.000-07:00

Couple of days ago, I typed a whole chuck of something. I was having the very urge to spill it all out and I did it, but.. The blogger decided to just play play and there literally goes my...... expression.

I of course couldnt remember word for word, whichever I may spill, but here and there its still floating in my mind. .

I was saying that it seems to be like a "pattern" where I typed in brief to just summrized what I've done over the week. . which of course I will forget what I've done later..

anyway how time flew by, its been a month over at my new work place. I am still adapting, making sales, making calls, like a ever routine for a salesperson.

I dont know if I'd a problem or what, I just cant go too deep with my colleagues. I mean.. they girls are very involved. but im not. I feel outta circle. I dont feel like im very welcome. maybe thats not what it is. but i feel very... suffocated. i am so not me. those who know me will know im a very noisy and alive person but at work i seems to have toned down to a.... another quieter person. when lunch I can see them being together, i am also with them but I feel so... pangseh. If I can find a better word I will. still, I laugh like it is, eat like it is and hang like it is. Truth is i cant wait to just end the lunch time.... it is to this extent.

Maybe ive learned not to be so KPO, or noisy or ask question or this or that. I dont know it just came to me.

sigh, I missed lunching/working with shirui & yanhan. they never fail to make the lunch so enjoyable, so relaxing and so myself.

:(

2010-09-13T08:14:00.000-07:00

WTF . I think no one can be as sway as I am already. Cb.. I type twice. One over from my screwed JUST upgraded singtel broadband, another from my tiny apple screen , BOTH just died on me probably I am fuckg not meant to blog tonight!! >.<